Sexual Rejection... Can You Deal?

How to cope when the feeling's not mutual

Dealing with sexual rejection is never a walk in the park. It feels lousy, and it's okay to admit it. But wallowing in self-pity and fears of your own inadequacy aren't going to help you: a) feel hot (which you are!) or b) find someone with whom you are actually compatible - in bed and otherwise. The best way to deal with your shoes being removed from under someone else's bed, is to put them on and move forward - toward the right kind of love or lust. You know, the mutual variety!

So what do you do when you've been rejected by a lover? When your sexual styles just don't match, the chemical attraction just isn't there, or they find someone else more desirable?

Break it down
Chemistry is just that - chemical. While many of us will try to find fault (usually with ourselves) and place blame in the face of rejection, the truth is, it wouldn't have mattered if you were ten pounds thinner, had six pack abs or never went a day too long before getting waxed. As hard as it is to do, if you can reduce being told no thank you down to a science experiment that failed (call it, elements that just didn't mix), you'll be much less likely to feel bad about it.

Find your comfort zone
Whether or not you were hot for the person who's no longer in the picture, there are lessons to be learned from your experience. Consider what you did and didn't like about your interactions. Were you self-conscious in bed? Worried about how you'd be perceived if you really let go? Convinced that had you been willing to do x, y, or z when asked (no matter how "not right" it felt to you) that your lover would still be with you? Well, it's time to let that go

No one who is right for you (even in the most casual sense) will want to push you beyond your limits. If your interests don't match up - or at least make each other curious, you're not well-suited to each other. Sex should be a supportive endeavor, whether it's as kinky as a dominatrix dungeon or as vanilla as ice cream with apple pie.

Take yourself to a sex shop… go shopping for something that makes you feel sexy… or at the very least, get a haircut and go out on the town. Take time to consciously remind yourself how good it feels to be you… to be alive and confident and yes - sexual. If you haven't already, get to know your body. Be grateful you've now got the chance to find someone who fulfills all your needs. Sort out what they are (and what else you may want to try)! Indulge in fantasy. Practice being open.

After all, when the right person comes along, you'll want to be able to give them a user's manual to your body… whether it's the show or tell variety, however, is up to you!